no room for interpretation

I wasn't making art when I was racking my brains for a composition; a theme. Its supposed to come naturally, more or less.

or when I was spending those sleepless nights trying to colour in the spaces, trying to make things realistic, trying to paint something I wanted to call perfect. Technical errors.

or when I wrapped the canvas in paper, for I was too ashamed to let anybody see that painting.





I realise the thing I hate about my painting isn't just the composition, or the colours, or the slipshod work, or the non-perfect and non-realistic figures, or the painting techniques.

I hate it because it I had not put in effort into it, it doesn't show what I want to say. I hate the theme because it is so cliched and the worst part is that I don't really relate to it. Yeah, I hate it alot because I didn't put in any effort into it and now I don't even feel like putting effort into it. I hate it because it doesn't allow people to interpretate it, when what I really want to create is something meaningful.

But no, I didn't put much thought into it while thinking about the theme and template cause I was in a rush to do other things. Now I really want to throw that canvas away, and paint a completely new one that will make people think, or allow people to understand me more.



I hate it so much. So so much. and its irritating how I'm so good at hating things I do just because I don't deem it as a perfect piece. In fact, I hate that I'm such a perfectionist, that I can find so much to criticize about my own work, be it art, music, or just homework.

Now people are going to look at it and judge it, judge me. They're going to look at something I hate and that's not good. It'll just make me more depressed.

But its not like I can turn back time, so I'm gonna put in more effort into the mini coursework.



and my maths, for now.